


where you decide to stay

by bughaw



Series: Helpless [2]
Category: Buhay Kolehiyo, SSU, Sexy Sexy Universities
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, First Time, It's supposed to be sweet and fluffy but angst, M/M, Salle's had a difficult time growing up and it leaves him rekt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 03:32:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11199591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bughaw/pseuds/bughaw
Summary: “Tulog ka muna,” Neo presses a kiss on his head.They're not the words of forgiveness he was yearning for but it feels like they are.Or the one where Salle's been left far too many times and has gotten used to doing the same to others until he decides, for once, to stay.





	where you decide to stay

**Author's Note:**

> im working on a single dad AU but writing a child character is so difficult so for now have some Salle angst

Between the kissing and groping that they’ve been doing, it’s not a surprise that Salle and Neo don’t notice how late it is when they get back to Neo’s condo. Salle’s in the midst of pressing kisses down Neo’s neck when his phone starts ringing, causing the both of them to groan. Salle pulls back but keeps a hand on Neo’s hip, stroking the bare skin that has been revealed by his shirt riding up. He pulls out his phone from his back pocket and is almost tempted to not answer when he sees that it’s Cess, but after noting the time and how late it is, he presses the green button and puts his phone up to his ear.

“‘Lo? San ka Cess?” he asks, his breath hitching when Neo starts mouthing the side of his neck. His grip on Neo’s hip tightens, resulting to Neo biting hard. Salle pulls his phone away with an “Uy! Careful with the merchandise,” to which Neo responds with a snort.

“You would know where I am if you hadn’t gone and left with your boyfie, kuya,” Cess says on the line. She pauses and waits for Salle’s reply but thinks better of it, going, “ew! Are you seriously having sex while you’re talking to me on the phone? Hard pass, Kuya.”

Salle rolls his eyes and motions to Neo’s bedroom with his head. “Una ka na,” he whispers into Neo’s ear before pressing a chaste kiss to the spot. Neo moves to go to his room after quirking a smile at Salle and clumsily removing his shoes, leaving the man alone in the entrance way of the condo. He brings his phone up to his ear once more. “We’re not having sex,” he informs Cess. “At least, not yet.”

“Ughh, tmi, kuya. And I’m with Addie, we’re staying at Mia’s for tonight, thanks for asking.”

Salle scoffs. “We both know that you don’t like me worrying my ass off, Cess. And I kinda gathered that since I didn’t have the time to drive us home and it’s far too late for you to commute home.”

“Yeah, yeah. Balik ka na kay Kuya Neo. Wouldn’t want to keep him waiting,” she teases.

“I’ll make sure to inform you how it goes,” Salle tells her, bidding goodbye when she starts gagging. He sighs as he’s removing his shoes, taking the time to arrange both his and Neo’s footwear, which was left lying in the middle of the entrance in his haste earlier. He leaves his phone on the kitchen counter before following Neo to his room.

Neo’s lying on his bed, his pants having been shed and lying in the middle of the floor. He briefly glances up when Salle enters but otherwise remains in his spot even as Salle picks up his pants and neatly folds it and leaves it on top of his desk. Salle does the same with his own after quickly removing it. He grins at Neo as he takes his spot next to him on the bed, immediately wrapping an arm around Neo’s waist. “Hi,” Neo’s voice is quiet as a small smile makes its way on his face. Salle pulls him in a soft kiss, his hand rubbing circles on Neo’s hips all the while.

It’s Neo who pulls away. He looks at Salle tentatively, licking his lips as he struggles with what he has to say. Salle stays quiet, letting him take his time. The soothing motion of Salle’s hands stroking Neo’s hip doesn’t stop. “This… I-I’ve never…” he finally manages, redness tinting his cheeks. He looks anxious, which Salle tries to remedy by covering Neo’s face with kisses, ending with his pressing a lasting one on his lips.

“We don’t have to,” Salle tells him, breathless, his lips tingling. “You know that, right? We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” His hand makes it way to Neo’s back, reaching for that spot where Neo’s soulmate mark is located. “We have our whole lives, after all, no matter how cliche that sounds.”

“We do, don’t we?” Neo’s body relaxes, fitting in with Salle’s. Salle shifts so he’s lying on his back, with Neo partially on top of him. They lie in silence, content with just enjoying each other’s presence. Salle’s on the verge of falling asleep after more than a few moments of silence on both of their parts when Neo speaks up again. “What if I want to, though?”

“Huh?”

“What if I want to?”

“Then we can,” Salle starts. “But I need to know that you’re not doing this because you’re feeling pressured. We talked about this before, yeah? It doesn’t matter that I’ve been with a lot of people before you, that’s all in the past. You don’t need to do anything to measure up to them because you’re in a whole different league.”

“I know,” Neo sits up so that they’re speaking face to face. He’s nervously licking his lips. Salle fixes him a look which earns him a glare. “Seriously, I do. And it’s not about mounting up to that at all. I want this.”

Salle sighs before maneuvering them, with him on top of Neo, resting on his arms. He starts mouthing at Neo’s neck, freeing his other arm so that he can slowly unbutton the other boy’s shirt. Neo grips the back of Salle’s shirt tightly when Salle begins sucking on the spot he’s been kissing prior. He begins trailing kisses downwards, enjoying how Neo’s breathing hitches when he sucks harder at some parts, he does so for much longer, prepared to completely take Neo apart until the only thing he can focus on is the feeling of Salle’s touches on his skin.

But before that, Salle couldn’t help but ask once more, “are you sure?”

Neo pulling him into a kiss that left him breathless afterward is the only answer that he needs. “I’ll take care of you,” Salle promises.

-

Salle doesn’t know what time it is, and he’s not quite sure if him finding out will help soothe his urge to up and leave. Maybe, maybe if he is made aware of the time it’ll help in tricking himself into thinking that him wanting to get away is absurd.

Neo shifts beside him, rolling away from Salle’s arm that he was previously resting on. With that, Salle has nothing that ties him to the room. The urge flares up again, one that Salle’s gotten so used to after numerous one night stands. After countless of faceless people who wanted the same as the Salle-before-Neo.

Salle slowly moves and gets up from the bed, leaning down to fix the blankets so that Neo won’t be left feeling cold. He picks up his shirts and boxers, smelling both briefly and deeming them decent smelling enough and putting them on. Next, he takes his neatly folded pants before turning to the door to leave. He winces as it makes a creaking noise, and he looks back to check if Neo’s still soundly sleeping. He is.

It’s when he’s standing in the middle of Neo’s living room that he stops. He glances at the closed door of Neo’s bedroom and thinks back to what happened, to what he experienced, to whom he experienced it with. Sex that soft and sweet and emotional was something Salle’s not used to. Something that he’s not sure he wants to get used to. He collapses on the sofa and strokes the mark on his arm in an attempt to ground himself to the present.

He fails.

He remembers all those who up and left. The girl who took his first kiss in the second grade, the guy whom he lost his virginity to, every other person he’s had sex with these past few years, his father who carried his mother’s words on his skin but did not hesitate to run away with a woman who put out more than Salle’s mother.

Not one of them stayed. And frankly, Salle’s not quite sure if he can do so as well.

He puts on his pants and heads over to the bathroom to wash his face. After, he fits his shoes onto his feet and is about to leave when he hears the nondescript creaking of Neo’s bedroom door. Salle looks back and sees Neo’s ruffled form wearing a shirt and boxers, he’s looking at Salle with an unreadable expression on his face. The light from his room is giving him an ethereal glow.

Salle gives him a strained smile. “Nagpapasundo si Cess, gusto raw umuwi.”

Neo’s gaze is directed to Salle’s phone which he left at the kitchen counter prior to their endeavors. Salle forces a laugh and goes back to get it. “At four in the morning?” Neo asks just as Salle is dropping the phone in his pocket.

Rubbing the back of his head, Salle nods.

The passive expression on Neo’s face drops into a frown. His shoulders hunch in and he looks small, so very unlike the Neo that Salle’s gotten used to. So unsure of himself. “Okay,” he breathes out and closes the door, leaving Salle in the dark.

Salle exits the condo, a heavy feeling settling in his stomach.

-

He finds himself in McDonald’s, sitting in a booth with coffee going cold in front of him. He’s been texting Cess in hopes that he’ll get a reply and he did. A _‘shut up kuya go back to sleep w kuya neo >:( im blocking you’ _that didn’t really stop him from sending more in the guise of looking busy and not at all because it’s an easy way to ignore the unpleasant feeling brewing inside.

Salle sighs and checks the time. Almost five in the morning, too early for him to go to Mia’s to forcibly bring Cess home. He starts playing games on his mobile, switching from one to another when he starts getting bored, not one is much help.

With nothing to do, his mind is given the opportunity to wander. He thinks back to the early days of his childhood, when everything was easy and there were no tears, or heartbreak, or his mother spending days on end in her bed sobbing her heart out as she tries to rub away the mark on her thigh. Their family’s still whole, he still has a sister, a mother, a father who actually _cared and loved them and didn’t lea—_

Salle’s startled out of his reverie by a tap on his shoulder. He looks up to an old lady smiling kindly at him. “Iho, nasayang na yang kape mo,” she gestures to the cup of coffee that Salle was previously gripping, the contents had spilled all over the table. He lets out a litany of curses after realizing what he’s done. He notices that she’s still standing next to him and he reddens.

“Pasensya na ho,” he apologizes for cursing in front of her. She laughs and shakes her head before walking off to her table where an elderly gentleman, most likely her husband, is waiting. “Pakshet talaga,” Salle curses, wiping his hand with a tissue. Moments later, one of the crew approaches his table and cleans up his mess. He smiles apologetically before exiting the establishment.

He brings out a cigarette from his pocket and lights it, not caring for the fact that it’s too early to be smoking. He takes a drag and releases a puff of smoke, reminiscing back to what he did with Neo just hours before. How delicate yet at the same time sturdy he felt under Salle’s touch, how pliant he seemed to be as Salle proceeded to take him apart, how he trusted Salle to take care of him all throughout. How Salle told him that he didn’t have to force himself to have sex that very night because they had a lifetime together.

But through that, Salle remembers being nine and hearing his parents fight for the first time, then he’s twelve and his father is packing while a woman is waiting in their living room, a smug smile on her face as she introduces herself to Salle and Cess, his mother’s wailing heard even when she’s a level above them. He’s still twelve and only a month has passed but nothing is alright, and things have fallen apart, and he remembers thinking if meeting his soulmate would be worth it when it would cause him pain like it caused his sweet, darling mother pain when she deserved only the best of what this world has to offer.

And then there’s _Neo._ Neo who Salle was attracted to at first sight, and who Salle fell slowly in love with as he spent more time with him. Neo who didn’t judge him after finding out the shit he got into. Neo who also experienced shitty things but still managed to greet each day with a smile. Neo who trusted Salle not to break his heart, and Salle just went ahead and did just _that._

“Fuck!” Salle drops the cigarette and steps on it before breaking out into a sprint. Countless thoughts are running in his head but _Neo, Neo, Neo_ is standing out, especially what he looked like when he caught Salle about to leave with no goodbyes, only cold sheets and empty promises.

He ignores the looks he receives from the guard and the receptionist, wills the elevator to go up faster, and it feels as if time is working against him because it’s taking far too long as if the machine knows that Salle fucked up and doesn’t want him to make amends.

But then the door opens on the right floor, and Salle couldn’t get out fast enough, but he’s here and he’s so close. His hand is on the doorknob, and he’s moving to open it but it’s _locked._

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“You should really pipe down, I might get noise complaints because of you,” a soft voice speaks up from behind him and Salle startles so hard he hits his head on the door. He turns around and Neo’s right there, in Salle’s jacket and pajamas, carrying a cup of coffee in his hands.

“ _Neo—_ ”

Neo shakes his head and Salle’s stomach drops. “Usog ka please,” Neo mumbles. Salle moves and watches as the other unlocks the door and enters his unit. Salle takes the open door Neo left behind as an invitation to enter.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out.

Neo’s quiet as he curls up on the sofa after resting his cup of coffee on the table. He’s quiet all throughout Salle’s explanation and apologies, watches Salle with the passive expression he wore not more than an hour ago. Salle’s shaking as he’s speaking, and it doesn’t stop even after he pours his heart out to Neo. He’s rest his case, but he won't fault Neo if he doesn’t forgive him. “Come here,” Neo’s voice is still soft, as if afraid.

Salle can't seem to move fast enough, but he ends up in Neo’s arms eventually, the both of them curling into each other. Neo’s warm, and Salle feels safe. Safe and far more comfortable than he has in years, despite Neo being bony. Salle rests his head on Neo’s shoulder, and Neo starts stroking his head, a hum sounding throughout the place. Neo’s other arm rests on Salle’s back, and Salle is left feeling boneless. Tired after all the thinking he’s done in the early hours of the morning. “Tulog ka muna,” Neo presses a kiss on his head.

They're not the words of forgiveness he was yearning for but it feels like they are.

**Author's Note:**

> edited this! but please do inform me if you notice any mistakes :)
> 
> come say hi on [twitter](http://twitter.com/bloooie) :)


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